(Insert Brett Myers Wife Beating Joke Here)

I hear a lot of asshole Phillies fans thinking that Cole Hamels and Brett Myers will equal the production of Johan Santana and Pedro Martinez.

No.

No, you fucking idiots, no.

LAST I CHECKED, OLIVER PEREZ HAD A BETTER SEASON LAST YEAR THAN BRETT MYERS HAS EVER HAD IN HIS ENTIRE CAREER. LAST I CHECKED, HE WAS OUR 4TH STARTER.

Let's go and say Myer's best season was 2005.
13-8, 215 IP, 3.72 ERA, with 208 K's

Perez and his decent 2007 stand
15-10, 177 IP, 3.56 ERA, 174 K's

Also, Perez in 2004 was 12-10,196 IP, 2.98 ERA, 239 K's-better than Myers has ever dreamed of.

Pedro was HURT those two seasons and has gotten 110 percent past his surgeries and is in the best shape we've ever seen him. He did look mighty healthy and pretty god damn finesse when he came back last season and besides, anyone who knows a god damn thing knows he's healthy as shit right now

I know we don't even have to discuss the god that is Johan...

I offer the world a bet. If Myers and Hamels come close to producing what Johan and Pedro produce, I will come down to Philly, shake your hand and run through the streets naked wearing a Phillies hat. If I win, you Philly Phucks don't have to do a thing. Just sit there and watch us win the World Series.

As for Hamels, our 3rd starter John Maine had a comparable season (aside from walks of course) but the results were quite similar. Funny, considering we didn't hype up Maine and replace every Chuck Norris joke with Maine's name. We just stole him from Baltimore and reaped the benefits.

And this.

Lets go over this.

John Maine- 15-10, 191 IP, 3.91 ERA, 180 K's

Cole Hamels- 15-5, 183 IP, 3.39 ERA, 177 K's

Quite comparable if you ask me.

Now I'm not saying Maine is better than Hamels, because that isn't true. But he is better looking.

Come on, who would you rather fuck? Him or Him?

Alright, Hamels is fucking handsome. But FUCK JIMMY ROLLINS!

Drew