Hello, I guess

Hey guys, my name is Drew and I'll be contributing to the site. I'm a die hard Mets fan from New York and I want to slit Isiah Thomas' throat. And you James Dolan. But not you, Johan. I love you <3. Anyway, there was my shitty introduction and I hope you enjoy what Brad and I have to say. You probably won't.

I've had enough. This must be written.

Sean Kingston, in case you didn't know, is a fat, annoying, Jamaican asshole who recycles bullshit music and gives it his own terrible sound. Granted, the song "Beautiful Girls" was really fun and shit, but let's be serious; He fucked up "Stand By Me" pretty bad.

Anyway, the song "Take You There" has annoyed me to the point of writing a Facebook note. Why the fuck is this song getting so much air time? Why is it the #1 video on B.E.T. and its fine program 106 & Park? Why is it #2 on the iTunes list?

I'll tell you why. One, it was produced by J.R. Rotem who has a knack for making terrible music that sells. Two, people just want to be fucking Jamaican and will surround themselves with anything Jamaican (Even if it's a fuck-tard fat kid) and to rest my case, I will implore you all to do one thing. Go outside. Seriously, go outside and in less than 5 minutes you will find a hipster white kid wearing a Bob Marley shirt. In ten minutes, you'll find three eighth graders with "ONE LOVE. BOB MARLEY" shirts. So on and so forth.

Anyway, this song fucking sucks. Lets look at the lyrics, shall we?

YO!!!!
WAT A GWAAN!!!
HO!!!!
SEAN KINGSTON!!!
J.R.!

**What the fuck is a Gwann?

We can go to the tropics
Sip piña coladas

**Here is where my first beef resides. You were born in 1990, Sean. You are not at legal age to buy alcohol. Shall we continue?

Shorty I could take you there
Or we can go to the slums
Where killas get hung
Shorty I could take you there

**You were born in a rich suburb of Miami, Sean. You can't take anyone there. Besides, I don't think that's a pretty romantic thing to say to a shorty.

You know I could take ya (I could take ya...)
I could take ya (I could take ya...)
Shorty I could take you there
You know I could take ya (I could take ya...)
I could take ya (I could take ya...)
Shorty I could take you there

Baby girl I know it's rough but come wit me
We can take a trip to the hood
It's no problem girl it's my city

**Sean, you must specify the "hood" in which you are taking this shorty. If it is Miami, certainly you can not since you never at one time in your life lived in the hood. If it is Jamaica, it is certainly not your hood because YOU WEREN'T FUCKING BORN THERE. YOU TECHNICALLY SHOULDN'T EVEN HAVE A FUCKING ACCENT!

I could take you there
Little kid wit guns only 15

**Oh, Sean? Really?

Roamin' the streets up to no good
When gun shots just watch us, run quickly
I could show you where

**You're just a fucking hopeless romantic, aren't you?

As long you're wit me
Baby you'll be alright
I'm known in the ghetto

**Yeah, you're known as that fat kid on B.E.T. who doesn't rap and makes shitty music.

Girl just stay by my side

**Your side is too big. Because your fat. And really ugly.

Or we can leave the slums go to paradise
Babe it's up to you,
It's whatever you like

**Thanks Sean, you leave me with more options than a fucking candy shop.

We can go to the tropics
Sip piña coladas
Shorty I could take you there
Or we can go to the slums
Where killas get hung
Shorty I could take you there
You know I could take ya (I could take ya...)
I could take ya (I could take ya...)
Shorty I could take you there
You know I could take ya (I could take ya...)
I could take ya (I could take ya...)
Shorty I could take you there

Shorty come wit me it's no worry
I know the bad men them where I stay
Police fly pursuit in a hurry
This is no gun play
Don't be scared in the West Indies
It's Jamaica, that's where I'm from

**Nope. You're not from there. Your parents, yes. You, no.

Might see something you're not used to
Welcome to the slums

**Thanks for the welcome Sean. Where can I wipe my feet?

As long you're wit me
Baby you'll be alright
I'm known in the ghetto
Girl just stay by my side
Or we can leave the slums go to paradise
Babe it's up to you,
It's whatever you like

We can go to the tropics
Sip piña coladas
Shorty I could take you there
Or we can go to the slums
Where killas get hung
Shorty I could take you there
You know I could take ya (I could take ya...)
I could take ya (I could take ya...)
Shorty I could take you there
You know I could take ya (I could take ya...)
I could take ya (I could take ya...)
Shorty I could take you there

Oh we (oh we)
Can go (can go)
To a place (to a place)
I know you gon' like (oh oh oh)
The beach (the beach)
The breeze (the breeze)
West Indies, I call it paradise

**Didn't you just call the West Indies the slums? Or are you inferring that the slums are your paradise? Are you trying to make double meanings in your lyrics? Oh, wow. Wow Sean, you are fucking lyrical. Some mind you've got.

We can go to the tropics
Sip piña coladas

**Well, I guess maybe you do just write shitty lyrics, considering this imagery of tropics and pina coladas, I assume you've taken us out of the hood.

Shorty I could take you there
Or we can go to the slums
Where killas get hung
Shorty I could take you there
You know I could take ya (I could take ya...)
I could take ya (I could take ya...)
Shorty I could take you there
You know I could take ya (I could take ya...)
I could take ya(I could take ya...)
Shorty I could take you there

Mix that with some recycled garbage background and Sean Kingston's whiny, shitty voice and you've got a fucking hit!

By the way, his real name is Kisean Anderson, which is completely badass. Why would one want to have a stage name of Sean Kingston? Oh wait! I know! Kingston is a city in Jamaica! He is so fucking Jamaican and wants you all to know this so bad that he made his fake last-name Kingston!

Fuck you, Sean Kingston.

That is all for now.

Drew