I hear a lot of asshole Phillies fans thinking that Cole Hamels and Brett Myers will equal the production of Johan Santana and Pedro Martinez.
No.
No, you fucking idiots, no.
LAST I CHECKED, OLIVER PEREZ HAD A BETTER SEASON LAST YEAR THAN BRETT MYERS HAS EVER HAD IN HIS ENTIRE CAREER. LAST I CHECKED, HE WAS OUR 4TH STARTER.
Let's go and say Myer's best season was 2005.
13-8, 215 IP, 3.72 ERA, with 208 K's
Perez and his decent 2007 stand
15-10, 177 IP, 3.56 ERA, 174 K's
Also, Perez in 2004 was 12-10,196 IP, 2.98 ERA, 239 K's-better than Myers has ever dreamed of.
Pedro was HURT those two seasons and has gotten 110 percent past his surgeries and is in the best shape we've ever seen him. He did look mighty healthy and pretty god damn finesse when he came back last season and besides, anyone who knows a god damn thing knows he's healthy as shit right now
I know we don't even have to discuss the god that is Johan...
I offer the world a bet. If Myers and Hamels come close to producing what Johan and Pedro produce, I will come down to Philly, shake your hand and run through the streets naked wearing a Phillies hat. If I win, you Philly Phucks don't have to do a thing. Just sit there and watch us win the World Series.
As for Hamels, our 3rd starter John Maine had a comparable season (aside from walks of course) but the results were quite similar. Funny, considering we didn't hype up Maine and replace every Chuck Norris joke with Maine's name. We just stole him from Baltimore and reaped the benefits.
And this.
Lets go over this.
John Maine- 15-10, 191 IP, 3.91 ERA, 180 K's
Cole Hamels- 15-5, 183 IP, 3.39 ERA, 177 K's
Quite comparable if you ask me.
Now I'm not saying Maine is better than Hamels, because that isn't true. But he is better looking.
Come on, who would you rather fuck? Him or Him?
Alright, Hamels is fucking handsome. But FUCK JIMMY ROLLINS!
Drew
2.25.2008
Hello, I guess
Hey guys, my name is Drew and I'll be contributing to the site. I'm a die hard Mets fan from New York and I want to slit Isiah Thomas' throat. And you James Dolan. But not you, Johan. I love you <3. Anyway, there was my shitty introduction and I hope you enjoy what Brad and I have to say. You probably won't.
I've had enough. This must be written.
Sean Kingston, in case you didn't know, is a fat, annoying, Jamaican asshole who recycles bullshit music and gives it his own terrible sound. Granted, the song "Beautiful Girls" was really fun and shit, but let's be serious; He fucked up "Stand By Me" pretty bad.
Anyway, the song "Take You There" has annoyed me to the point of writing a Facebook note. Why the fuck is this song getting so much air time? Why is it the #1 video on B.E.T. and its fine program 106 & Park? Why is it #2 on the iTunes list?
I'll tell you why. One, it was produced by J.R. Rotem who has a knack for making terrible music that sells. Two, people just want to be fucking Jamaican and will surround themselves with anything Jamaican (Even if it's a fuck-tard fat kid) and to rest my case, I will implore you all to do one thing. Go outside. Seriously, go outside and in less than 5 minutes you will find a hipster white kid wearing a Bob Marley shirt. In ten minutes, you'll find three eighth graders with "ONE LOVE. BOB MARLEY" shirts. So on and so forth.
Anyway, this song fucking sucks. Lets look at the lyrics, shall we?
YO!!!!
WAT A GWAAN!!!
HO!!!!
SEAN KINGSTON!!!
J.R.!
**What the fuck is a Gwann?
We can go to the tropics
Sip piña coladas
**Here is where my first beef resides. You were born in 1990, Sean. You are not at legal age to buy alcohol. Shall we continue?
Shorty I could take you there
Or we can go to the slums
Where killas get hung
Shorty I could take you there
**You were born in a rich suburb of Miami, Sean. You can't take anyone there. Besides, I don't think that's a pretty romantic thing to say to a shorty.
You know I could take ya (I could take ya...)
I could take ya (I could take ya...)
Shorty I could take you there
You know I could take ya (I could take ya...)
I could take ya (I could take ya...)
Shorty I could take you there
Baby girl I know it's rough but come wit me
We can take a trip to the hood
It's no problem girl it's my city
**Sean, you must specify the "hood" in which you are taking this shorty. If it is Miami, certainly you can not since you never at one time in your life lived in the hood. If it is Jamaica, it is certainly not your hood because YOU WEREN'T FUCKING BORN THERE. YOU TECHNICALLY SHOULDN'T EVEN HAVE A FUCKING ACCENT!
I could take you there
Little kid wit guns only 15
**Oh, Sean? Really?
Roamin' the streets up to no good
When gun shots just watch us, run quickly
I could show you where
**You're just a fucking hopeless romantic, aren't you?
As long you're wit me
Baby you'll be alright
I'm known in the ghetto
**Yeah, you're known as that fat kid on B.E.T. who doesn't rap and makes shitty music.
Girl just stay by my side
**Your side is too big. Because your fat. And really ugly.
Or we can leave the slums go to paradise
Babe it's up to you,
It's whatever you like
**Thanks Sean, you leave me with more options than a fucking candy shop.
We can go to the tropics
Sip piña coladas
Shorty I could take you there
Or we can go to the slums
Where killas get hung
Shorty I could take you there
You know I could take ya (I could take ya...)
I could take ya (I could take ya...)
Shorty I could take you there
You know I could take ya (I could take ya...)
I could take ya (I could take ya...)
Shorty I could take you there
Shorty come wit me it's no worry
I know the bad men them where I stay
Police fly pursuit in a hurry
This is no gun play
Don't be scared in the West Indies
It's Jamaica, that's where I'm from
**Nope. You're not from there. Your parents, yes. You, no.
Might see something you're not used to
Welcome to the slums
**Thanks for the welcome Sean. Where can I wipe my feet?
As long you're wit me
Baby you'll be alright
I'm known in the ghetto
Girl just stay by my side
Or we can leave the slums go to paradise
Babe it's up to you,
It's whatever you like
We can go to the tropics
Sip piña coladas
Shorty I could take you there
Or we can go to the slums
Where killas get hung
Shorty I could take you there
You know I could take ya (I could take ya...)
I could take ya (I could take ya...)
Shorty I could take you there
You know I could take ya (I could take ya...)
I could take ya (I could take ya...)
Shorty I could take you there
Oh we (oh we)
Can go (can go)
To a place (to a place)
I know you gon' like (oh oh oh)
The beach (the beach)
The breeze (the breeze)
West Indies, I call it paradise
**Didn't you just call the West Indies the slums? Or are you inferring that the slums are your paradise? Are you trying to make double meanings in your lyrics? Oh, wow. Wow Sean, you are fucking lyrical. Some mind you've got.
We can go to the tropics
Sip piña coladas
**Well, I guess maybe you do just write shitty lyrics, considering this imagery of tropics and pina coladas, I assume you've taken us out of the hood.
Shorty I could take you there
Or we can go to the slums
Where killas get hung
Shorty I could take you there
You know I could take ya (I could take ya...)
I could take ya (I could take ya...)
Shorty I could take you there
You know I could take ya (I could take ya...)
I could take ya(I could take ya...)
Shorty I could take you there
Mix that with some recycled garbage background and Sean Kingston's whiny, shitty voice and you've got a fucking hit!
By the way, his real name is Kisean Anderson, which is completely badass. Why would one want to have a stage name of Sean Kingston? Oh wait! I know! Kingston is a city in Jamaica! He is so fucking Jamaican and wants you all to know this so bad that he made his fake last-name Kingston!
Fuck you, Sean Kingston.
That is all for now.
Drew
I've had enough. This must be written.
Sean Kingston, in case you didn't know, is a fat, annoying, Jamaican asshole who recycles bullshit music and gives it his own terrible sound. Granted, the song "Beautiful Girls" was really fun and shit, but let's be serious; He fucked up "Stand By Me" pretty bad.
Anyway, the song "Take You There" has annoyed me to the point of writing a Facebook note. Why the fuck is this song getting so much air time? Why is it the #1 video on B.E.T. and its fine program 106 & Park? Why is it #2 on the iTunes list?
I'll tell you why. One, it was produced by J.R. Rotem who has a knack for making terrible music that sells. Two, people just want to be fucking Jamaican and will surround themselves with anything Jamaican (Even if it's a fuck-tard fat kid) and to rest my case, I will implore you all to do one thing. Go outside. Seriously, go outside and in less than 5 minutes you will find a hipster white kid wearing a Bob Marley shirt. In ten minutes, you'll find three eighth graders with "ONE LOVE. BOB MARLEY" shirts. So on and so forth.
Anyway, this song fucking sucks. Lets look at the lyrics, shall we?
YO!!!!
WAT A GWAAN!!!
HO!!!!
SEAN KINGSTON!!!
J.R.!
**What the fuck is a Gwann?
We can go to the tropics
Sip piña coladas
**Here is where my first beef resides. You were born in 1990, Sean. You are not at legal age to buy alcohol. Shall we continue?
Shorty I could take you there
Or we can go to the slums
Where killas get hung
Shorty I could take you there
**You were born in a rich suburb of Miami, Sean. You can't take anyone there. Besides, I don't think that's a pretty romantic thing to say to a shorty.
You know I could take ya (I could take ya...)
I could take ya (I could take ya...)
Shorty I could take you there
You know I could take ya (I could take ya...)
I could take ya (I could take ya...)
Shorty I could take you there
Baby girl I know it's rough but come wit me
We can take a trip to the hood
It's no problem girl it's my city
**Sean, you must specify the "hood" in which you are taking this shorty. If it is Miami, certainly you can not since you never at one time in your life lived in the hood. If it is Jamaica, it is certainly not your hood because YOU WEREN'T FUCKING BORN THERE. YOU TECHNICALLY SHOULDN'T EVEN HAVE A FUCKING ACCENT!
I could take you there
Little kid wit guns only 15
**Oh, Sean? Really?
Roamin' the streets up to no good
When gun shots just watch us, run quickly
I could show you where
**You're just a fucking hopeless romantic, aren't you?
As long you're wit me
Baby you'll be alright
I'm known in the ghetto
**Yeah, you're known as that fat kid on B.E.T. who doesn't rap and makes shitty music.
Girl just stay by my side
**Your side is too big. Because your fat. And really ugly.
Or we can leave the slums go to paradise
Babe it's up to you,
It's whatever you like
**Thanks Sean, you leave me with more options than a fucking candy shop.
We can go to the tropics
Sip piña coladas
Shorty I could take you there
Or we can go to the slums
Where killas get hung
Shorty I could take you there
You know I could take ya (I could take ya...)
I could take ya (I could take ya...)
Shorty I could take you there
You know I could take ya (I could take ya...)
I could take ya (I could take ya...)
Shorty I could take you there
Shorty come wit me it's no worry
I know the bad men them where I stay
Police fly pursuit in a hurry
This is no gun play
Don't be scared in the West Indies
It's Jamaica, that's where I'm from
**Nope. You're not from there. Your parents, yes. You, no.
Might see something you're not used to
Welcome to the slums
**Thanks for the welcome Sean. Where can I wipe my feet?
As long you're wit me
Baby you'll be alright
I'm known in the ghetto
Girl just stay by my side
Or we can leave the slums go to paradise
Babe it's up to you,
It's whatever you like
We can go to the tropics
Sip piña coladas
Shorty I could take you there
Or we can go to the slums
Where killas get hung
Shorty I could take you there
You know I could take ya (I could take ya...)
I could take ya (I could take ya...)
Shorty I could take you there
You know I could take ya (I could take ya...)
I could take ya (I could take ya...)
Shorty I could take you there
Oh we (oh we)
Can go (can go)
To a place (to a place)
I know you gon' like (oh oh oh)
The beach (the beach)
The breeze (the breeze)
West Indies, I call it paradise
**Didn't you just call the West Indies the slums? Or are you inferring that the slums are your paradise? Are you trying to make double meanings in your lyrics? Oh, wow. Wow Sean, you are fucking lyrical. Some mind you've got.
We can go to the tropics
Sip piña coladas
**Well, I guess maybe you do just write shitty lyrics, considering this imagery of tropics and pina coladas, I assume you've taken us out of the hood.
Shorty I could take you there
Or we can go to the slums
Where killas get hung
Shorty I could take you there
You know I could take ya (I could take ya...)
I could take ya (I could take ya...)
Shorty I could take you there
You know I could take ya (I could take ya...)
I could take ya(I could take ya...)
Shorty I could take you there
Mix that with some recycled garbage background and Sean Kingston's whiny, shitty voice and you've got a fucking hit!
By the way, his real name is Kisean Anderson, which is completely badass. Why would one want to have a stage name of Sean Kingston? Oh wait! I know! Kingston is a city in Jamaica! He is so fucking Jamaican and wants you all to know this so bad that he made his fake last-name Kingston!
Fuck you, Sean Kingston.
That is all for now.
Drew
Make good with the formula
I'm going to try to create a formula for this site. Let's see...
Liberal use of profanity + sports musings + South Florida + marijuana + obviously trying to be funny + dick jokes - bland, brainkilling vapidity = a pretty decent start if I can get it right. Shitballs.
Liberal use of profanity + sports musings + South Florida + marijuana + obviously trying to be funny + dick jokes - bland, brainkilling vapidity = a pretty decent start if I can get it right. Shitballs.
Degree of commitment
Five seconds later I am now questioning my decision. Will I write my opinions as they spill out of my huge head, I wear a size 8 3/4 cap, or do I scan the newswires, posting current news as it applies to my interests and comment alongside. How do I balance these two kinds of posts, with what ratio will I go with? This is tough and now I should mention, I'm fucking stoned.
This could be the beginning of something beautiful, depressing
Well, now I'm considering putting some actual time and effort into this place and doing with it the only thing I could see myself doing - blogging about the Heat, the Dolphins, and the Marlins if I can bring myself to give that cocksucker Loria my attention.
I may change the name of this site a few more times until something sticks. Considering the quantity of losses my sexy favorite teams have been collecting, now is an all time low for the SoFla sports landscape. Buy low, sell high motherfuckers!
I may change the name of this site a few more times until something sticks. Considering the quantity of losses my sexy favorite teams have been collecting, now is an all time low for the SoFla sports landscape. Buy low, sell high motherfuckers!
1.17.2008
Blogging about bloggers
Just where has MMP gone? When did Ape become so unbelievably funny? Is that horrible show about the Geico cavemen still on? Who will be the first blogger to get punched in the face by Mr. Rivers? Can we get a few minutes of awkwardness?
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